Learning to stop working and give oneself a break and then going back to it (hopefully relatively fresh and rested) are possibly two greatest steps in our professional existence. I covered the first before the holidays. It only makes sense to cover the second now, when we are all blearily (just me?) emerging into a world with no holiday cheer, a lot less sleep, but still a lot of Christmas tree (we always keep ours up till the Kings are past, or even longer – with ten cats in the house, an entertaining thing like the Christmas tree is a must).
It can be difficult to return to work after a period of time off for various reasons. Firstly and foremostly, as we are socially trained to work without cessation (this is often especially true of men), taking a break and coming back may invoke feelings of discomfort, guilt and irrational fear that we can never catch up to what we have “missed”.
Many people tend to obsessively throw themselves into a version of doomscrolling… immersing into all the information that happened to pass while they weren’t looking intently. This may be true of all information – news, social media, work related load.
Then, there is the office culture itself. If the office, or parts thereof, or even just members of, practices a cold, clinical, only-work environment policy (i.e. erases all humanity as much as possible), even the holidays that are legally unavoidable and must be provided may create “reasons” for grudges, abusive behaviour and pressure. This can get even worse where diversity is somewhat but not fully observed – with minority holidays, many will act as if the person is requiring some kind of special treatment, when in fact they are merely requiring a fair and equal one, at a different date.
Being treated like you have no right to your rights – which is effectively what all negative behaviour regarding holidays and rest amounts to – can lead, at best, to depression and resentment; at worst, the victims may start to feel like they truly do not have the rights and that they should not even consider it a problem that they don’t. Both affects productivity and office culture negatively.
Then, of course, there is the fact that any time off is still time on the planet, in the real world. Often, we start off with looking forward to our days off, but they may not end up as uncomplicated and blissful as planned. Quite apart from the stark reality of human relations often being a pain (think uncomfortable situations with relatives and friends we may not get along with quite as well as we’d like), the real life doesn’t stop just because the usual work schedule did.
And that can end up being stressful and tiring, even more so because we are expecting and sincerely wishing for a break from stressful and tiring.
In my own little world, Christmas and New Year 2020/2021 dished out as much havoc as was possible, pretty much to the last second of the last night of the year.
For a glorious start, our boiler has been broken since the end of October and we have spent weeks chasing up the repair people, only to have them make a mistake in figuring out what was actually amiss when we finally did get to them, order the wrong part, then, after a long wait, realise that the part was wrong and let it lie without any further action on their part (which was promised). To this day, we still have not resolved the issue; as the boiler controls not only our hot water but also our heating, the holidays have been spent using newly acquired electric heaters once the old ones gave up the ghost after too much use, rinsing off with the electric kettle and morosely trying to figure out how long we can hold off washing our hair (because it honestly takes an entire afternoon at our hair length to do so when using the kettle). On the other hand, we have had a chance to observe our skinny mini tiny cat Coffee Toffee plant herself right under the new little radiator, sprawl and refuse to move except for meals, effectively starting a little heater cult all on her own (…watching your cat literally hug the portable radiator? priceless…).
Because this was simply not enough chaos, all the drains required cleaning. If you have never done messy work like this without hot water to clean up in after, the cringe-worthiness of this is probably lost on you.
Then, there was the paperwork (because in France, paperwork never stops). And a bunch of thugs deciding to have a right little firecracker battle in the half built house right across in the middle of a night. And being told too late that our internet package has been messed up and that “we may not have been receiving emails correctly” (note – we definitely have not been receiving emails correctly, so if you are wondering why you haven’t heard back from me, now you know why… please try again, as there’s no telling whether we’ll ever get the missing ones to pop up at all).
All in all, this is either hilarious or has all the makings of a disaster… or perhaps both. It definitely made us both pretty tense occasionally… not an ideal thing during any time, but something we (not just OH and myself, but we, humans) tend to take even worse because it’s happening when, for logically inexplicable reasons, life should either be put on hold or just incredibly nice. Often, if our own holidays sucked a little, we will even go as far as to declare the whole concept completely wrong, and get on the case of those who enjoyed theirs.
Same is true for the one office Grinch (and in my experience, there usually is one at least) who tends to dislike every holiday and all the people who don’t, and who may voluntarily continue to work regardless of holidays… which would be fine and a personal choice if they did not use their extra work to try to make everyone else feel guilty about the fact that they actually took holidays. This Grinch is a universal person, and applies to all social, cultural and religious backgrounds; the only difference is precisely how they can wield their “Grinch power” in their particular environment (especially where taking or not taking holidays is not optional). In short, the right kind of personality (usually someone bitter and disenchanted with their own life in some way) can use holidays for extra special bullying at the office.
All these things are a part of everyday reality for us all. Your drains don’t know or care it’s a holiday. Your boiler couldn’t care less for the Christmas tree. But because we socially assign meaning to things, such as holidays, difficulties arising during them, not to mention changes in work schedule of highly important people such as repair men, who could resolve the issue for you when you can’t possibly do it yourself, mean far more stress than we’d like even on an average day… which can make going back to the daily grind difficult, because we feel robbed off what should have been instead.
That is not to say that an actually blissful time off makes it any easier. Post-holiday blues is a return to reality after a period when everything was supposed to and mysteriously managed to go right… something we definitely can’t expect to happen 24/7, 365 days a year.
Like it or not, major or minor disasters are a part of our world, and our best response should be to learn how to deal with them as much as possible, while minimising our own mental health strain when stressed.
So what is the solution to getting back to work and feeling like you just landed on an alien planet?
Firstly – never feel guilty about having taken the time off in the first place.
Secondly – do not let others make you feel guilty for it. Accept that they may have their own opinion on things, then move past it. Keep the joyful memories of everything good that happened during the holiday in question as an anchor to ground in if things are difficult.
Thirdly – do not, under any circumstances, lapse into doomscrolling for anything. Think about it – there is so much information in the world that there is absolutely no way for us to know everything. By all means, catch up with your work related topics, and with your work emails, but remember that you do not have to know literally everything about everything at any one given moment of your personal and professional life to be good at what you do and worthy and valid as a person.
Fourthly – find likeminded people who will go “oooh” at your cat-in-the-Christmas-tree or kids-with-presents snapshots. Especially if you have a very cold and clinical environment at work, this is important, because it allows the rest to have been restful and happy. It validates you as a person, not merely a cog in a machine, which should make you happier, more relaxed and more productive.
Fifthly – exchange stories of the holidays with people who have different holidays. This is a great diversity and inclusion behavioural tool – when we discuss what we did, we notice the similarities between ourselves as people of different cultures and religions, within or outside of the same society. In simple terms, we remind ourselves and each other that we are all people, with fears and joys that are the same, and with fascinating practices and often amazing recipes we can share. It’s hard to dismiss someone once you have realised that they are a person just like you… which is why all offices should, if they are serious about diversity and inclusion, practice some form of sharing this way (a message board with pictures of favourite holiday foods? little get-togethers over coffee? Being creative is the best way to find what works for you.).
And, last but not least, try to see mishaps over the holidays as hilarious stories to share during a break. Seeing the funny side takes away the stress and recreates an experience; it also makes it easier to get back to the daily grind after what was perhaps a not-so-restful time off.
Holidays aren’t magical simply because they exist. What makes everything magical – even the everyday grind at work – is what we, the protagonists of our own stories, do with them. The expectation. The warmth. The care. The sadness. The hilarity. We are emotion… and we are at our best when we let ourselves experience and show it.
