A huge part of who we are (and who we have always been) is how good we are at whatever it is that we do. Success is not merely a show of vanity and greed, something that has plagued society as an idea from at least the Medieval Mammon onwards and through to today. Success is a vital part of evolution, of survival, of active participation in our world. In the times of our ancestors, success would primarily mean non-violent interaction; survival in case of meeting dangerous predators; finding food and shelter; in short, everything that comprises the physical and emotional satisfaction and safety.
Social interactions are a part of that, and what we do in the realms of business (fast-forwarding now from the prehistory to today) is nothing more than that. It is survival, because it enables us to feed and rest in a shelter; it is interpersonal relations and wider social interactions. Above all, it is what fuels our active rest – not just sleep, but the active pursuit of goals other than our work goals.
With me so far?
I hope so.
But at the same time, our no longer hunter-gatherer schedules are quite filled, and, even more importantly, we often don’t know how to unwind and use the time off as well as possible.
Why?
Because, very bluntly put, we are taught from infancy not to.
Taking time for oneself is often still equated with sloth and arrogance. It has been drummed into us, both via any religious teachings we may receive, and by our social/political upbringing (which, btw, is also influenced by the R part of the SCR – society, culture and religion, because our behaviours tend towards chicken and egg in a lot of ways), that taking time off is bad.
At the same time, psychologists and psychiatrists, medical professionals and to a certain extent ourselves have come to realise, not for the first time in history, that all work no play doesn’t work for a long time, nor is it conducive to greater success.
We call that burning out.
But before we burn out, causing ourselves depression, anxiety and co, there’s a host of interpersonal and wider social repercussions that we need to consider, even if we intend to ignore our health altogether.
Recently, research showed that sleeping in can literally save your life (cf. here).
At the same time, the fitness community ring the old church bell – get up early, what are you still doing in bed, get up, get up, stop being lazy…
It doesn’t stop there either. Success is often striven for in the same way as we strive for physical fitness; we want it now not later, despite the fact that it will take time to get from point A to point B or even C. It’s much like trying to go on a trip but being so impatient that instead of actually taking the trip, we just try to cut it short by taking the fastest train to the final destination… missing everything in between.
And while success is often crucial for financial wellbeing, which again is crucial for survival (especially in this time of pay gaps, discrimination and battle between political right and left on all fronts, in which the pay does not necessarily cover the expenses and the living wage often isn’t), this does not mean you should exhaust yourself to death… If anything, that is the absolute last thing you should do.
Success is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a battle. To be successful, one must remain physically and emotionally capable. One must learn to bide time. To grant oneself rest as much as to work. Above all, one must kick guilt trips (however it happens) in the teeth.
Recently, I came across a quote by the late Heath Ledger; to paraphrase, he pointed out our incapability to view life as anything but a big long shopping list (his words), in which we never get asked if we are happy. The tick list of what we do when (and that schedule is busy!) is all we ever tend to ask each other… and ourselves, leading us back to why we end up burned out.
At the same time, this haste causes often irreparable damage in our personhood and in our interpersonal relations.
While I’m sure there are reasons why one may want to post or be active for work on weekends or holidays (better pay, for instance, is a huge motivator here), it would be advisable for that person to consider when they are going to be taking their time off.
A week is structured as it is only because we have agreed to do it that way. It is only binding insofar as we keep agreeing to it. If, for example, we have it easier to work on weekends but take Thursday and Friday off, because that is when we can be most active, why not? Working on holidays we do not celebrate is fine (and often very well paid)… but exchange that time for a personal time off instead.
We need to learn to put work on hold. Unless it is crucial, which, as a person with my own business, I can attest it often is, it has no place in our free time.
We are not only teaching ourselves that we don’t matter. We are sacrificing valuable time with our loved ones, as well as teaching THEM that nothing matters, and we are teaching the world that interacts with us on business/work level that we are constantly available… which will make it far more difficult for us to suddenly assert our right to actually have time off when we decide to have it, seemingly out of the blue.
The first step is, as always, to recognise your own personhood… your value outside the work world. The intrinsic value of everyone applies to us just as well. We are not comprised solely of our achievements – and we should take time to enjoy them.
This also makes us better at what we do. For people who do not do this, continuing achievements is difficult. Seeing little to no self-worth is crippling in getting promotions, becoming a part of projects, landing your dream job, empowering your career. Learning to love yourself as a person, to value your capabilities and your own worth will make it far easier to be confident, even in hostile environment.
You will also have it easier to set boundaries (and with discrimination and sexual harassment, those are crucial) and disengage when needed.
At the same time, you will be able to discover yourself past the point of achievement in one sphere. You will be able to pursue and work on (or even salvage) relations that would have otherwise fallen victim to overwork. You will be able to be a partner, a lover, a parent, a pet parent… and many other roles, and actually BE that, not merely a shadow in the background.
To conclude, perhaps one of the most difficult and engaging things we can do is to steer between overworking and minimalism, the manic attempts at being useful and the ascetic self-depreciation. They are both sides of the same coin. While the first makes us fail to be a person on top of our achievements (which is often compensated by the only other thing we can do, material interaction), the second, while still failing to be a person, also withdraws that material interaction – in itself not a bad thing when we can also be ourselves emotionally – and imposes depression inducing severity.
Neither is the solution to the loss of us through shall we say a flat, one-sided self-presentation and the lack of self-realisation due to it.
So be active. Be bold. Be the top dog in whatever it is that you do.
But also remember to take time to spend it doing what you love and being with those you love.
Your business interaction will not fall apart if you do that. And, frankly said, if this is all it takes for it to fail, then you never had it, and you need to rethink the whole matter and forge a new, better plan for your success.